“I’ll Facebook friend you…”
As the Facebook craze sweeps the universities and high schools of Australia, I have begun to find myself with a problem: I don’t know who my friends are anymore. And by that, it’s not a matter of trust, but that all sorts of people I’ve known but otherwise wouldn’t call “friends” have decided to “Facebook friend” me. Do I accept?
I think it’s largely influenced by novelty, and a little too by practicality. Many of these people I doubt have much interest in what I’m up to, the photos I’m in, or in writing me a message. Rather, because Facebook is a new thing to them, everytime they see someone they know and are amicably acquainted with, they get trigger-happy as they quickly grow their friend list on this online social network. I did it too: when I first joined, I added anyone from Sydney Uni that I vaguely knew, but that was because there were very few people from USyd at all on Facebook, so to add 5 of them was not a big deal; we shared not only our bond of acquaintance but the bond of being part of the minority Australian community on a North America-dominated web site.
And then there’s the convenience, because even if you’ve only met a person once, if you have a photo of them, you can’t tag them in it without them being your “friend”. And after a first acquaintance, there’s always a possibility of the relationship growing, but on the other hand you may never see them again; still you add them and are too lazy to reverse it. But I don’t think this is the real reason I’ve been receiving add-requests: I’ve not spoken to these people in many moons.
A person’s definition of “Facebook friend” is almost certainly looser than their definition of friend, but how much looser? Just because I am a Facebook-friend with A and not with B doesn’t mean I like A more than B, it just means that A probably has a more lenient definition of “friend”, and I was polite enough to accept their approach.
This is yet another of those online social problems that arises when you don’t have to look someone in the eye. Like being able to write more offensively online than you would ever say to someone’s face. Or maybe it’s just that the word “friend” is too weighted and if they could make up their own word for the relationship whereby I’m in someone’s list and they’re in mine, then that would cool me off and alleviate my worries. (I guess that’s why AIM chose “buddy” and ICQ used “contact”.)
Other social networking sites like (Newscorp’s) MySpace have the same problem, of course, but worse. At least with Facebook it’s easy to find and befriend people you know. (Whereas I consider MySpace probably the internet’s worst-designed most-popular web site.)
I also don’t think the social issues are Facebook’s biggest problem. No: that, in my opinion, would be the lack of internationalisation… But I might talk about that another time.
So, do I accept?
My definition of non-facebook friends is: people I could ring up comfortably to say “How are ya going?” without fearing them thinking “why is she calling me?”. Facebook-friends however… Yeah, it’s a loose term more like an acquaintance, but someone you have met face to face. Now you’ve made me think about it… Should I get rid of all those randoms that I’m never going to talk to, care to read the wall of, or hear from again? Maybe next time I’m on there and have some time to spare. But really I just use facebook as a secondary email – to keep in contact with those friends I made who don’t use email regularly, but do use facebook…
Comment by leach — 21 February, 2007 @ 12:18 am
Strangely, this evening I also got added by a USyd guy who, despite not knowing him, had a common interest with me… I don’t think that’s enough to Facebook-friend someone. Maybe it’s enough for a message to say hi, but adding… is a bit premature.
Comment by Joel — 21 February, 2007 @ 1:26 am
the situation for me was a bit stranger when, for i’m not sure what reason, someone who had previously threatened me with legal action (as in proceeded sending threatening letters with the laywer’s signature on them) requested to be my facebook friend. Apparently (according to the Group “Facebook Etiquette) the answer is that no, you can’t reject a friend application. If you’re cruel you can leave them hanging but rejection is a no-no.
And in the end, who cares? The term “Facebook Friend” obviously means very little so why does it matter who gets the title?
Comment by Nothers — 21 February, 2007 @ 8:30 am
I think that because facebook used to be more restricted it was partially protected from these trends. Now, I am worried about it going the way of myspace, with friend number competitions.
If not for facebook, I wouldn’t have known about your website, so look where that gets us.
Comment by seraphya berrin — 21 February, 2007 @ 9:01 pm
The whole Facebook/MySpace thing irks me. It’s all a popularity contest.
But who am I to talk, huh, mooers? As being one of the people whom you haven’t spoken to in many moons. (That’s not meant to sound accusing, by the way.)
I’m not stalking you, I promise. I just needed to take a breather from packing for Los Angeles, and hey presto! I remembered your site.
*I salute*
Comment by Christine — 23 February, 2007 @ 8:00 am
You put it so well
… and I’m guilty of it too!
I blame the person who I hadn’t seen since school (we weren’t really friends there either) who added me about two days after I joined Facebook. I was like, “Ok, I guess that’s what you do on Facebook”. I don’t actually seek people out, though – that’s going too far.
Comment by Cygal — 28 February, 2007 @ 2:04 am